The Rutabaga debate the Snail Problem for thirty minutes. That's it. We think through what would happen if you were immortal and had a ton of money and there was an immortal snail that was hunting you down. Our high school's mascot is a snail. We also mention Deadpool, Twilight, the nature of pain, MK Ultra, disclaimers, offending people, kickball, a forgotten Ariana Grande scandal, and other fun stuff.